seventh circle of hell = CA DMV

when moving anywhere new, on the list of tasks one must accomplish is eventually sucking it up and registering your car, getting a new ID, and in short becoming an Official Resident of New Place. two things in life i hate most are waiting in lines and government-run agencies, so naturally i put this task off until the very last minute. thanks to california's ridiculous fee structure and residency periods, it had to be done THIS FRIDAY OR ELSE.

so i found the place, and went in. well, more like got in line, at 8am. i was approx. #25 out of 35 and my dreams of a short, painless visit were quickly crushed.

this was in the first line i got into. look at this fucking douchebag.

your tattoo looks like a frathouse dare gone wrong, sir. and wearing your keys around your neck on a lanyard is only acceptable at the gym or during your duties as lifeguard, neither of which apply as you are at the FUCKING DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES.

so to make a long story short, my 3.5 hour wait included waiting in 4 different lines, one application screw-up and redo on their part, a guidette screaming at an apathetic employee, watching a 16 year old girl fail her driving test, and what i thought was going to be a horrible picture on a license i'd have to wait 2-3 weeks to receive.

(yeah yeah, i know, who cares about a picture. but after that ordeal, receiving a license where i resemble a hungover prostitute would just be icing on the fucking cake.)

but no, i was pleasantly surprised at how decent the picture is. here's my old and new for comparison--mustaches courtesy of my mad photoshop skillz.

i swear they airbrushed tanned my face. i'm usually cracker-white but i look like a regular sunbunny here. thanks, california DMV!

as a plus, i noticed i've been carded more for buying cigarettes and booze. or maybe i'm just buying more cigarettes and booze. i don't know whether to be flattered or depressed. *sad trombone* haha!

on the subject of automobile california fuckery, here's a frightening sight from the california highway:

yes, this is a shitty photo, it was the best i could get as i was trying to rapidly get away from this impending disaster.

for those of you who can't tell, this is a moving truck with some sort of subaru SUV *in the back, unsecured*, towing another pickup truck that is full to the brim with random shit. traveling at 70mph at night. isn't this illegal somehow? are they running from the feds? IS THAT PICKUP TRUCK FULL OF COCAINE?!??!! how did any of this seem like a good idea?

dear california, thanks for the awesome drivers license picture. now do something about the above. thanks.